An Introvert's Guide to Networking

Truth be told: I'm actually a pretty shy and conservative person - or an introvert. When I go out with my friends, it's very, VERY rare that I meet new people. It's uncomfortable for me. (Let's be honest here, I'd say most people don't really venture off and talk to strangers when they go out to bars or other social situations.)

While I'm an introvert typically, once I know you, I don't really shut up.

So last week, I attended my very first networking event. I travelled over three hours to Washington, DC to try my hand at a very crucial job-seeking (and business) strategy. I didn't know a soul walking into that bar. I want to come up with a clever metaphor here, but the only thing that comes to mind is that I was a fish out of water.

So here's how I made myself think so I could talk to complete strangers.

1. Prepare. I did some basic research on what to say and how networking events typically go. I also planned a little elevator pitch to say (even though I didn't really use it). Probably the best thing that I did was talk to my PRSA mentor and my boss about how to act and what to do (I'll share some of those gems below in this list). Having a cheat sheet of what to expect made it easier for me to attempt to talk to people about myself. I also had a few questions prepared to ask about the person's company/organization

2. Reach out to people who have done it before. Like I said above, talking to your mentor, a professor, a boss or etc. is key. I was told do NOT drink while at the event. I soon saw why. People were tipsy to say the least. While it might be ok for people to do that who have jobs, it looks horrible for a person job-seeking to be hammered at one of these events. I was also told to ask about company life at an organization. My mentor and boss also told me to connect with people (see below), but most of all be there for a purpose.

3. Be there for a purpose. I didn't drive all the way to DC for a free drink and food. I went down there to meet people in the industry and gauge how PR people in the DC area interacted with each other (SIDE NOTE: everyone was really sweet, welcoming and nice). It helped confirm that moving to DC and working there wouldn't be horrible. Also be realistic about your purpose. Do I want a job? Yes, of course. Did I ask people for one. NOT A CHANCE. You are not there to ask for a job. You are there to network and talk to people; not ask and beg for a job. Leave the resume at home.

4. Find something unique about yourself to say; HOWEVER, don't rely on it. This is something that I ended up finding out as I was talking to people at the event. I live in NJ and want to work in either DC or NYC. I travelled to DC from NJ and didn't see it as a big deal. So when people had a reaction to it, I realized that I would be remembered. I did NOT, however, use that as a crutch.

5. Do NOT give your business cards out haphazardly. You should bring business cards to these events. But they shouldn't be handed out to everyone. I remember talking to someone who gave me their card within a minute of our conversation, and that kind of threw me off. I can't really place the feeling, but something just didn't sit right with me. I can't imagine I'm the only one. To me, if I give out my card, it means that I want to speak with you in the future.

6. Talk to EVERYONE (and be selective). While you are there to make a connection to try to get a job, don't ignore your entry-level peers. I talked to everyone who seemed like they wanted to talk. Besides we are the future of the industry, you piss off someone now, it could burn you in the future. DON'T BURN BRIDGES BEFORE THEY ARE BUILT. However, do scan and talk to people who work where you would like to work (e.g., a specific firm being there).

7. Get a wingman; HOWEVER, don't rely on him/her totally. Going to an event like this alone is scary. So, if you can go with a friend or peer, I'd recommend doing so; however, don't rely on them totally. Split up and talk to separate people. But use them to help you enter back into a conversation if one of yours ends; help them enter one of yours if it happens to them. If you are alone, find someone to talk to, and if you hit it off do the same kind of thing with them. Or have them introduce you to people they've talked to/know. It's a great way to network without being awkward.


8. Learn body language cues. This may sound a little sleazy, so I'm sorry in advanced. As a man, you have to learn body language if you want to talk to a woman at a bar properly. Smiling is a major signal for women when they want to talk to a man. Be able to recognize that at a networking event. If a woman, or anyone smiles at you, it means that they wouldn't be opposed to talking to you. However, crossed arms can be seen as a barrier meaning they would rather not talk to you. Is this full-proof? Of course not, but it helps. Realize your own body language mistakes and adapt. When I'm uncomfortable I have my hands in my pockets; however, my thumbs is the key to how I'm really feeling. This sounds stupid but if you have your hands in your pockets with your thumbs out it looks like you are fine; thumbs in your pockets can be seen as being very insecure and uncomfortable. I made a conscious effort to have my thumbs out of my pocket as I talked to people.

9. Connect. If you connect with someone, the better chance you have of being remembered. The three best conversations I had weren't even about being unemployed - schools (Virginia Tech vs James Madison University), music (music PR and guitar playing basics) and a movie ("Three Amigos"). It makes sense: who are you going to remember someone who you've had a legitimate conversation with or someone who just did the prerequisite "I'm unemployed looking for a job" speech. But be genuine. I wasn't being fake with anyone and the conversations that I had were real. I wasn't just entertaining a conversation; I was engrossed by them.

10. F**k it. I'll never forget the line from Tom Cruise in "Risky Business": "Every now and then say, 'What the f**k.' 'What the f**k' gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future." When I started to revert back to not talking to anyone and being awkward, I thought "f**k it." By thinking that, it allowed me to go up to complete strangers and talk to them. It may seem stupid, but it worked for me. Rather than get jammed by my own nervousness and attitude, I reacted and talked to people.

I'm not going to lie; I had an absolute blast at the PRSA-NCC's networking event. I met some cool people and made some nice connections. I wouldn't say I'm an ex-introvert, but it's definitely a step in the right direction for me. Despite going the complete opposite direction on the metro (hour and a half ride), I'd do it all again.

Here's a great resource for a a great book on body language.